Frum dating blog
When you begin to date, you may start with a figurative or literal checklist of the qualities you seek in a spouse. THIS person is the one who you feel safe with, like your best self with, who you want to build a life and future with. And that might take 6 weeks (That still sounds scary to me! Don’t feel pressured by a deadline–listen to your gut and your own comfort zone.
As you are getting to know them, you naturally try to figure out if this person matches that theoretical person you have created in your mind. Get help if needed, from mentors and professionals who have no agenda other than your best interests. At the end of the day, any happy marriage is going to take work, compromise and partnership, but it certainly helps to start off with a sense that you have found the one you want to do that work with.
-Wherever on the religious spectrum you fall, there is generally some amount of information that is being shared before a date.
Before you even start a conversation, you know that on a basic level, your values and lifestyle are compatible.
I’ve been sending JITC episodes to my dad and aunt to help them better understand my sister’s Jewish decision.After what seemed to me a short time (maybe 5 weeks), we were both feeling a lot of pressure to make a decision. I needed to KNOW (my friends held up signs spelling out the word “clarity” at my wedding to make fun of me).She got engaged, telling me “sometimes you need to hold your nose and jump.” She felt that she had all the facts that she needed to make an educated decision. I was given very wise advice that I have given over many times: you don’t have to decide on any one date whether you want to marry the person you’re seeing, just whether you want to see them again and continue to get to know them. At some point, you will G-d willing realize that THIS real person sitting in front of you is the one you want in your life going forward.To a large extent, these things should be figured out individually, before beginning to date, or the couple should be willing to work it out together, as partners. There is obviously a lot more to say about this topic, but I think it is much easier to focus on developing the spiritual and emotional side of a relationship when the couple is not focused on the physical side of things.It is also easier to see red flags or even just ways that you are not compatible when you are not involved physically with someone.
Thanks so much for your blog and explaining orthodox life in everyday language.